Aw thanks!! One can never have too many hugs. I'm rather shy til I get to know people or just don't seem to hit it off with others too well. I've always had a hard time making friends, and after school, the few I had there went their own ways and I was pretty much left alone. Still am. It's amazing I'm married, but that didn't happen til I was 31... All I have in my life are my parents, husband, son, and kind of/sort of my sister and nephews. My sister and I have never been close. We're 10 years apart, and she never showed much interest in me as her younger sister when growing up. I wish we were. I love my nephews like brothers, but they're far away in school and working, making wonderful lives for themselves. I feel on my own much of the time, and especially with my problems. Unfortunately I lost my yoga mats, books, videos in the fire. It's almost like starting life completely over, and I just don't feel I know how to begin or even do it. Yoga does feel really good, though. Hopefully you can do it someday and I can start back. I suppose I get through my days the best way I can. The first month we stayed with my parents, and I think I was just numb then. I cried and woke up shaking. I think having them there all day helped, though. It seems that when we moved into a rental home in early January was when I started having the panic attacks and went downhill. I was alone with it all day. It was hard. I can't tell you the pain I feel in my heart over it all. We went back to our property every day or evening to look around for my cats in unbelievably cold weather and snow. It was the worst winter here in 30 years. We did it for 3 months with no luck. Finally I realized that finding them was beyond me. My only hope was that they would come back on their own if they were still alive. We put signs out, and they're still hanging around. I won't take them down because they're still gone. Also some traps, items of clothing... Did what everything said to do but trail cam because couldn't afford one. To me it's as if 10 of my children are dead. I always put them equal with my own human son. And pets are family. I never ever dreamed this could happen. I always thought I'd lose 1 here and there to old age or illness but would have the others still here. My 2 oldest were only 10 and youngest weren't quite 4. Perfectly healthy, playful cats. To just be wiped out of all of them and left with nothing (except my 2 parakeets which I grabbed on my way out the door) and our goat... And our home and everything in it... We had the prettiest home on the road here. The only one that was brick. I loved my life. Was happy and silly and pretty much carefree. I'm a stay-at-home mom and loved my days alone to do as I wished without interruption. Things are so changed now. You just never know. I always tried to watch for fires and was careful, and it was our car that caught our garage on fire and just up into the house from there... Who would think?? I go over and over the last moments in the house. Tried to call 911 but our phone went out. My son remembers the TV going out and the smoke alarms going off. I didn't even hear the smoke alarms. I told my neighbor I had 10 cats inside but he led me away and wouldn't let me go back in, and I panicked til his wife told me the ambulance would take me to the hospital if I didn't calm down. I actually wish I could've gone now. It would've been better than watching my house burn for 3 hours. I get out of bed because if I don't, I just lie there and think of things and feel anxious. I don't sleep much. I used to take a daily nap, but now if I lie down the anxious feelings get sharper. They're dulled when I'm tired. And that may be why I'm shaky after a night's sleep, which is only about 4 hours because I can't say asleep. So - just may as well get up. I don't know if I'm strong. I just do what I have to do. I have an Asperger's son who needs me. I cry daily - often several times. And just such terrible anxiety and fear that is getting worse. I do want to help myself. I want to feel like I used to. I don't know if that'll ever happen, though.