I just can't do it. I'm not even scared of it anymore, I don't feel regret for the ODs, for the cuts. I only feel regret for it not having the effect of getting me out of being on my own. Getting me more help. I just want help staying safe because I've just lost control. I can't do it. My head never stops. Round and round and round and round. I can't stop it, no matter how hard I try.