Well, I wrote my "mother" a 4 page angry letter today. It was filled with profanities I wouldn't even let my T see. It was interesting what happened. I'm writing like, your this your that. Than I started saying how she never appreciated the beautiful little baby girl she had. And what a good natured and happy little girl I was. And what an intelligent and talented teenager and young woman I became. I was going on and on how she didn't deserve me. And I started thinking as I'm writing, "F**k yah, I was a great daughter, a daughter any normal woman would have been proud to call her own and how she missed out big time by verbally, emotionally and physically abusing me and neglecting me and locking me in a f**king pot cupboard when she didn't want to be bothered with me.

Anyhow, all this positive stuff I was saying about myself made me feel better and stronger, because I began realizing it was all true. I was a good kid and I would have cared for her when she was sick and would have cried at her deathbed instead of wishing she'd hurry up and die (sounds horrible, but it is what it is and I'm not going to be ashamed).

I felt stronger after I finished and was starting to direct my anger to where it should be directed, at her, instead of myself. Saying all the positive things about myself made me feel good.

Tomorrow I'm going to have a little ceremony under my favorite tree in my yard and burn the angry letters and the stuff about her I read to my T. And then, I'm going to drive to the river and through the ashes in the river to get washed away from my life.

Funny how things turn out.