Self harm can certainly be dangerous. Typically though people who self-harm are not suicidal. They are two different states with no direct relationship to one another. I think if you took a pole of people on PC who struggle with major depression, pretty-much 100% would say they feel like obnoxious losers. That's part of having major depression.

The thing is, Idiot17, realistically you probably aren't going to be able to do this alone. Once in a while, someone who is in the midst of a major depression can pull themselves out. But I would say this is the exception, not the rule. Most of us have to find someone who can, & who is willing to, help. This could potentially be anyone: a teacher, a counselor, a therapist, a friend, a relative. Maybe there's even someone on-line somewhere who could inspire you. There are many such individuals on YouTube, for example. Just off the top of my head, Kati Morton comes to mind. But there are others too.

One way to get started might be to take a look at your daily routine & see if there are some changes you could make. Try to begin to surround yourself with positive, uplifting sights & sounds. Eliminate things that contribute to your depression. It might be helpful to give some thought to what it was that started this downhill slide to begin with. If you can identify what that was perhaps you can make some changes that will help to remedy that situation now.

There are other things as well. But I don't want to go on-&-on. The Buddhist nun Pema Chodron has, as the title of one of her books: "Start Where You Are". I can't say it more succinctly than that. And you don't have to do it all at once either. Do a few things now, & then add more as you go along.

Also, I recall your having written that therapy isn't helping. I don't know what it is about it that is causing it to fail you. But, perhaps you need to take a look at this too. If you're feeling it is just a flop, perhaps a change of some sort is warranted here too.

I know you want to heal. And wanting to heal is the first rule of getting better. It's like the aphorism: "The first rule of working out is showing up." Well, you've "shown up". You're here on PC! And, as I said, I know you want to heal. And, because of this... I know you can. Keep posting on PC!