I was reading your post and the idea that you are not yourself caught my eye. You may feel that you are no longer the person who cares about other people and tries to help people. But, you will regain that ability in time. I lost the ability to have a positive thought, I am now re-gaining that ability. Hang in there. I hope you get what ever help you need. It is okey to ask for help from your friends, your T and the people here at PC. The above posting makes it sound like you have really helped people at PC. Let us return the favor and help you in what ever way we can. Post your heart out for one. Know that we know in our own way what you are going through.