I've been going back and forth about whether to post and what to post. But I'm still feeling lousy, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

So, I've been seeing my T for 6 years (and I saw another t in a different state for 6 years prior to her). Occasionally, she has had "kick me in the butt" conversations to try to get me to work harder or change. I'm kind of okay with that. We sort of had that type of session last Wednesday, but it was worse than the previous times. This time, she said that she isn't really sure how to help me, but she's willing to keep trying and working with me. She also said that she thinks I'm actually getting worse rather than better. She said that sometimes it feels like a paid friendship, but then said "no, that's not really fair." But, she couldn't un-say it and it hurt.

I feel like such a total loser and a fool. What is wrong with me? I talked to her about it during the session and she tried to make me feel better but it didn't work. I suppose we'll talk about it tomorrow some more.

I don't know what to do. I don't want a new T because I trust this one and feel safe with her. Is it possible to get a second opinion in therapy? Like I'd go see someone who then could talk to my T. I've done that with pdocs in the past. I don't know how that would work though. How could they get enough history in an hour? Has anyone on here done this?

Any wisdom from anyone on here? I have been so depressed this week.