Hi!

This certainly must be an exhausting time for you - I can understand why it would have hurt for your T to say the "paid friendship" comment. In fact, it just makes it all the more confusing when your own T is confused too! That puts the client in a difficult spot with their feelings - as it is difficult to know where to take the next step.

I think echoing some of what has been said above - perhaps talking to another professional about the therapeutic relationship and the next step to take could be beneficial - someone that can see the situation from a fresh pair of eyes. At the same time, it will be you taking a stand for your needs and validating these - they are important and valuable. It will take small steps - but you will be moving forward in a direction that seems clearer for you. It's OK if things tend to relapse now and again - I always say it is the body's way of trying to get back into old habits - sometimes it doesn't even realise they are maladaptive!

I hope this helps. Be kind to your feelings and yourself - keep strong

ClinPsycStudent