I think i finally get it. When she withheld regarding cancellation payment, my reaction was, "thats something i can have, but not YOU." Which aside from me being a lousy sharer, may have been her own countertransferential feeling at the time. Even if you DO inspire that in her, youre right, thats HER being a bad t for you.

My t is totally the path of yes. I supply my own no's, as i suspect you do also. Maybe Mr T was too laissez-faire. I dont think there is a last word or better understanding to be had with our Madame or Monsieur Ts, except to stand with stopdog. Caveat Emptor. Maybe ask Venerable T for some referrals to the path of yes and figure out what you have left to do?