Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisyonthefloor
Hi,
I'm new here, and one of the reasons I'm here is that I realized how much my personality is really close to a bordeline personality disorder.
I'm currently 17, but I'll turn 18 in 3 months. I'm going to see a psychiatrist a bit before or after my 18th birthday, to get evaluate again since there's disorders , such as BPD, that can't really get diagnose before 18.
I just wanted to have stories about when did you found out you had BPD? I'm not really talking about '' The doctor told me '' kind of stories, i'm talking about what happened before the doctor told you. What we're the signs that you we're BPD, even if you only discovered that all of this was BPD when a doctor told you. That could really help me.
In a long story short of '' I'm actually new and too shy to tell the full story of my life'', I have a past of abusive drug use, impulsivity, chaotic sexual and emotional relationships, co-dependance, anxiety (i've been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder at 14), instability and suicidal behavior.
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Hi daisyonthfloor.....I think I always knew there was something not quite right about me, about how emotionally wiped I'd get when I was hurt....how strongly I felt love and how quickly...I've had abandonment issues my whole life so that wasn't a surprise. I'd been to therapists many times in my life to help with 'depression' because that's all I said (or wanted) it to be. I was suicidal on and off, self-abusing....pretty much textbook, I found out later.
After several messed up relationships...including to men who were either emotionally or physically abusive (or both)...well, I finally had to admit something was totally wrong. I went to a pdoc to get meds (for my 'depression') but after about 20 minutes, she said "I think there is something else going on here" and referred me to my first T. The rest as they say, is ongoing history.
I'm no where near 'well' but I am far better than I was. Of course, I still have issues with picking the wrong men...my recent ex is proof of that, but each person is another lesson, as namby pamby as that sounds. I find right now, I'm better alone, and while I do get lonely, (we all do), I'd rather have my little melt downs by myself, without the added responsibility to hide them from someone I love. Pretending to be 'ok' is exhausting. If I can't divert myself, I'd prefer to be alone for the crash. Seems safer, somehow.
That's just me, tho. Everyone deals with BPD differently. Mine isn't as severe as some, and is much more so than others. I also have ADD so that doesn't help with the scattering thoughts but....oh, well.
I know you'll find therapy helpful, and you're fortunate that you've come to this 'understanding' so early in your life. I'm glad you didn't wait as long as I did. The wake of sadness, despair and hurt I've left behind me...is not something I'd wish on anyone....not even me.