I'm feeling quite mixed today. I've been drifting through a numb state for awhile but every now and again strong feelings will surface. Today I feel angry and confused. I feel lost and helpless. I am frusterated waiting for a call back from a job I interviewed for but at the same time I am unsure if I would actually be happy in the new position. I am angry that I feel so 'crazy' and have no opportunity for relief anytime soon. I am in a hot-cold state in my relationship. I have been having vivid dreams and I awake from them feeling so confused with whether or not I am pleased with my life at all. I have had a strong urge to try art, painting specifically. I have never picked up a paint brush and really do not have much creative ability but the urge is so strong I can't resist. I have so many things I want to do but have no spark to gt me to actually go do them.