I just.... I don't know. when I'm alright I always set up plans - like now to attend a school and do pre-exams to make sure that I'll get enough points to get in. - and I just force myself to get up and DO all the things in order to make my life a little better.... like filling all these papers, and do all the stupid administrative stuff I otherwive hate, and I even worked to be able to pay the fee....
and I know if I could move out and free myself from the pressure of the unsolveable financial-circle of my parents it would be better for me.... no matter how poor I'm going to be... at least I'd be a broke down collage student not just a random jobless/professionless depressed junk....
yet I always put too much pressure on myself..... (like above).... and I ... I make stupid errors like going to he wrong place or forget that the exam is next week - even though I checked the paper a lot of times.... and that way I JUST MAKE MYSELF FAIL!
And the worst part is that I'm halfway through.... and I know if I get there it would be easier to deal with exams and stuff.....