I would like to share my story with all of you and look forward to hearing other stories as well.

First, allow me to say that I have not been diagnosed with any Bipolar Disorder.
I am exploring this forum (among other things) because I do not have the luxury of seeking professional guidance and recent happenings suggested I have cause for concern for my mood/behaviors. I study Psychology full-time so thankfully that allows me to have good groundwork for an understanding.

(Tid Bit:I have been diagnosed by an old professor as having Panic Disorder).

I simply thought that I was a "paradox of a person," for lack of a better way to express it. I seem to behave in two very different ways. Holistic, meditative, peaceful me. And aggressive, angry, and "blue" me. I was left with the question: is one the true me and the other a front or are they both me? That also left me with the thought: well how can two extremes live inside one person so brilliantly? The thing is....my way of being is not brilliant at all.

I stay home a lot because of my panic disorder which could be what has lead to bouts of being down in the dumps and unhappy with how my life is going (so badly, I want to be apart of the world and be social/active). I sink into that for a while but then I sort of rise out above it and start doing things again. I start becoming more active and social. during this time, I am behaving like a "mellow-normal" person. The more I dive into the non-hermit side of me, the more I get "out of control." Pretty much all my sanity leaves me (as it does when I am in the dumps as well), I drink a lot (and get into trouble with it), and my sleep schedule is never regular for any point in my life.

Why I am confused is because it is unclear to me whether I am behaving like a person with normal ups and downs or if I have cause for concern here. This behavior has caused problems in my life which is the reason I am writing this today.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I look forward to chatting and bringing in more detail if need be