Well I never thought I would do it. The last time I was in counseling I swore I would never go back. But I've decided that I have too many issues to deal with on my own. I'm going to go to the local university and be their "guinea pig". I'm not very comfortable seeing a college student half my age as opposed to a true experienced professional, but it's all I can afford....$11.00 per session. I have to find a way to get over constantly wanting acceptance from my sisters that are never going to accept me. They do not understand my mental illness, nor do they believe I have it. They just say that they know something is wrong with me. My older sister told me last week that she didn't have the time nor the energy to put into finding out what, if anything, was wrong with me. She had too many things going on in her own life to deal with that she couldn't take on my problems as well. You know what really hurts? Is that if her dog was sick, but she didn't know why, she would rush her to the vet. But she knows somethings wrong with me, but she's not interested in going with me to my doctor visits to discuss and learn about the matter to better understand me. You can pick your friends but not your family. And I thought that it was your family that was supposed to care about you the most. Guess I was wrong.

Anyway, the last few weeks have been very difficult. I have been on a *****ing and crying spree. Couldn't figure out why. Just blamed it on PMS and thought that my Klonopin was making me a *****. Well I think it was because my pdoc took me off my Lexapro. When I called and talked with her office, she put me back on it and I've been back to my old normal self. Which doesn't say much.

Anyway, my appointment with the counselor is this coming Thursday at noon. It's a 2 hour visit (for paperwork). I'm really nervous about being there for 2 hours. And nervous about letting someone else into my life. But I'm excited in hoping that they will be able to give me some answers as to why I think I need approval from both my sisters. Sorry guys....just had to rattle!!!