The past few weeks have been pretty eventful; I was oversleeping and chronically bored, but I wasn't experiencing any serious symptoms. Sui thoughts were transient and I ignored them.

Then today happened. For some reason, I felt even more bored with my work and life than usual. Then, as I was walking home from work, I get a text from a girl I went on a date with last night (I met her on a dating site). I thought the date had gone well, better than any other date I had ever been on.

Apparently she hadn't been feeling the same way, because in her text she said she "couldn't picture us in a romantic relationship" but that she still wants to be friends.

I was crushed, already low for no reason, and now I had a reason. I had already started building a world in which we were together, and it was so beautiful.

I know I complain about this all the time, but I can't stand it anymore. I NEED romance!!!! The way I need food and water and oxygen. I've wanted a romantic relationship since I was 12. I'm now 22, and I haven't had any relationships, not even bad ones. I've had feelings for many friends that were unreturned. If you watch the relationships forum, you know that I was interested in pursuing my male friend, until people told me that "he just doesn't seem to be that into me".

I cried so hard tonight after receiving that text. Why doesn't anyone want me? Why aren't I good enough for anyone except for creeps that I meet online who speak in monotone voices, or are uneducated, or do drugs.

I think that I'm intelligent, and witty, and beautiful in my own way, and then no one wants to date me and it makes me question all of it. Maybe I am a worthless loser? Maybe I don't deserve to exist, because no one on the face of this earth wants to kiss me?

I'm so mad, not at the people that rejected me, but at God. Why did he make me like this? Why did he create me if I'm destined to never experience romantic love, the most magical emotional experience there is?

I was doing so well, seeing so many new possibilities in my life, and now I just want to end it again.