Jane, I prefer the company of men because they dont do this drama. But lately I am ioftenn the company of unfamiliar women. High drama swirls around me. I dont like it. I dont understand it. As it swirls around me it must be about me and i dont know how to prevent it. Im not the one acting like a clown. What does seem to be in my power is to repair and maintain relationships. I'm grateful for a good education with some good coursework in communications and management. I feel embarrassed and vulnerable. I feel very awkward. Im learning to say, "i dont know what happened. I dont know why that happened. Perhaps we could talk about how we can be comfortable moving forward"

Ive learned to say, "not good enough". Its very difficult. But when its necessary, not to say ir is a lie. Ot is lying and lying disrupts communication.

Women triangulate. Ive found women do more talking about me than to me. I dont like it. I wont change it where its entrenched in organisational culture. What I can do is make sure the important people to me get some face time and talk time with me, and that I remain aware that in gossip culture anything i say about anyone, or anyone's action or negligence will reach her ears in much distorted form so better to speak directly to her.

In your shoes I would apologise to the people who were inconvenienced by your behavior or actions and express a wish to form a better working relationship. I dont know how that would work. Im.waiting to see if it works for me.

I would also get real honest with myself a bout whether I was breaking down, or manipulating. We all know that sometimes the catch in the voice or the softly falling tears are as carefully chosen as our words. Be conscious about what you do.