You are having a bad day, so it is not the right time to think about your place in the universe. You say you are mad at God, and since you believe in God, you know that you are here for a purpose. Please do not think about becoming nonexistent.

I have been having a lot of bad days lately, myself. My SI thoughts prompted me to seek help twice at hospitals in the past 2 weeks. Now I have to attend a partial hospital program. I mention this just to let you know that bipolar symptoms are adversely affecting someone else as well. You are definitely not alone there.

When I was young, I never thought any man would find me desirable. I feared that I would never find romance. That made me very depressed. While you are so disappointed with the woman you dated last night, you seem to have been building a relationship in your mind after seeing her just once. Maybe her offer of friendship is not as bad as you think. It was friends who eventually became much more, and I had a number of relationships before getting married.

It seems you are putting a lot of thought and passion into wanting romance. It is a good idea to get to know people, in non-stressful situations (a first date is a stressful situation). Relax and just be yourself and find ways to participate in group activities where women can see the real you, where you are not pursing them. As you get know others, you will become familiar with their personalities, their likes, their flaws, etc. You will also find who you have the most in common with. It will give you a better chance to develop a relationship that could lead to romance.

I feel confident that you will be okay. Being young is your advantage. Let your self-esteem grow- that will make you very attractive to women.