I think we can "outrun" our insecurity if we know about it? It's kind of like "feel the fear and do it anyway"? Sometimes I deliberately decide to perceive :-) my "fear" as "excitement".

I was very lucky once in therapy, I was complaining about my group therapy to my personal T and she said, "I don't know much about group therapy, but I don't think they are out to get you" and that instantly made all the difference in the world; I had been unconsciously thinking they were! Now I can remember that and apply it to everything, LOL.

Another time in group therapy at one of the therapist's house, her dogs and cat were always there with us in the living room where the group of about 6-10 of us met over several years. One evening one of her dogs was sitting on her lap, she was petting him and he snapped at her! She instantly pushed him off her lap to the floor. I did a gut reation and cringed/wimpered/cried out :-) and asked "What if he didn't mean to snap at you, what if he needs to sit on your lap now more than ever?" Thank goodness I was in therapy at the moment and had a good, wise therapist :-) who zoomed in on me and explained that she and the dog had known each other 20 years and had a well-established relationship and she wasn't "rejecting" him and he knew it! That one incident does not jeopardize the entire relationship for either of them, he "knew better" than to snap at her and she cannot allow him to do that to her person, cross that "boundary" and disrespect her like that, etc. I "got it" and remember/use that memory/experience to help myself too now.

I believe all the screw ups and things we have experienced differentiate us from the 20 year olds. It doesn't mean we don't ever make any more mistakes or even that we make fewer mistakes; we just make "better" mistakes :-) that are less "obvious" and more useful to us in our present and future lives. We can't get "wiser" without having been less wise in the first place?