((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Angel)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry you have experienced all those horrible abuses on you. Are you somewhere safe now away from your husband who is abusing you? Do you see a therapist you can sit with and sort through "your challenges" so you can get the comfort and validation you deserve?

It does help and bring relief to talk about it Angel, you have a lot to grieve and heal from in what you have shared here. I can relate to the struggle with sleeping that you are describing, I had to take Klonopin for a while at night to help me sleep, but a pdoc might prescribe something different/better.

The things that happened to you were "not your fault", and often PTSD can present a lot of inner guilt and confusion, but, as you get help and support and finally work through all this, you will begin to feel some much needed relief. If you spend time reading different threads in the abuse forum, you will see that you are not alone in experiencing the challenges and confusion from suffering abuse and none of these members sharing their stories are to blame for their challenges either.

Yes, it is very hard when someone we love and trusted abuses us too, it is very confusing to understand how that can happen. It is not the victim's fault either, it means the person who is abusive has something "wrong" with them. Often abuser's just do not realize how much they are "messed up" either and they express that with their excessive need to control others and yes, they often lash out hurting their wives/girlfriends because they lose control of themselves. Often a victim gets caught up and a strange cycle with an abuser and think they can manage the abuse somehow, but the truth is they can't because and abuser needs professional help and it isn't something the victim can fix.

Be very "kind" to yourself and allow yourself to slowly heal and do what you need to do to be "safe" too. Talking about it like this is an important step for you so you can learn you are not alone and get the comfort, validations, and support you need to finally heal.

(((Caring Hugs))))
OE