I decided to stop second-guessing my T. If I think he is being dismissive, rejecting, or contemptuous, it is most likely because he expressed himself badly or because I am listening through my internal distortion filter of self-loathing. Over the last two years he has never been anything other than accepting and non-judgmental, so I have no evidence that he would ever actually reject me. So I need to ask what he means, rather than guess - which is hard, because it's not exactly the kind of thing you ever ask other people, or at least I don't. My therapy has been going rather more smoothly since I implemented this "contract".

Not second guessing T also involves not talking to other people about my therapy other than in fairly general terms, not always asking others for advice about what to say, etc. I try to allow the therapy to happen in the therapy room. I know that other people have different needs, and in the past before I trusted that I could say everything to T I was helped by suggestions from other people, but at this point, specific advice about how to talk to T is not what I, personally, need.