thanks for replying echoes. your words make a lot of sense to me. i think i tend to do that alot with people. be drawn to people who are abusive. or at least who take more from me than they give. i have two (sort of three) good friends who i know care an awful lot about me (they must be nuts!) but they do demand a lot too. makes me wonder sometimes if our friendship would survive if i stopped being there quite so often for them. god i feel so disgusting thinking those thoughts about people who do actually care. i know they do! sigh.
ive only really had two relationships and in the first one if it had gone on longer im sure it would have become physically abusive. it was close enough as it was. and with the second she was utterly controlling. so your theory we draw whats familiar rings a lot of bells. its something that terrifys me for a lot of reasons so i havent been in a relationhship in forever.
also it is great to be forewarned about the break. even if it isnt going to be for many months. this is about the amount of time i need to adjust!
(((echoes)))
thanks again and take care