My first kiss was not a very good experience either. I wished I'd waited for someone I had special feelings for instead of just kissing some random guy because all of my friends had already kissed a bunch of guys and several had even had heavy make-out sessions. So I just did it and it was ... blah. When I saw the guy later I didn't know what I'd been thinking because he wasn't even my type. I felt down on myself for being so pathetic and desperate and influenced by my friends. So what I did was decide to wait until it was a good situation, with the right guy, and until it was something I really wanted to do. I didn't kiss a guy for another year, but there weren't any bad kisses after that.

Because I felt bad about what I'd done -- not that I'd really done anything terrible, I just felt pathetic that I'd allowed myself to be influenced by others -- I went to the library and checked out a booklet by Dear Abby about what every teenager should know. Don't worry, it's not racy. It's been updated and is available. It's full of common sense. I read other books that would build my confidence, books on manners and poise, written for girls. It really did help me. It helped me realize it was okay to stand strong against peer pressure and to make choices for myself. It told me how to stay true to myself without putting my friends down. That was important because I really liked my friends and didn't want them all angry at me.

One of the things I learned from reading those books was that I just don't have the right kind of personality to enjoy games like Truth or Dare or strip poker or any of the other games my friends played at slumber parties. I'd watch and have fun and pretty soon my friends didn't try to push me to do things I didn't want to do.

I think maybe you and I might have some personality characteristics in common. I discovered that I actually have a strong character and moral code and if I do things that violate it, I don't feel good about myself. As I got older, my values matured and changed to be more age-appropriate.

In my opinion, you didn't do anything bad or wrong or immoral. The only mistake was doing it when you really didn't want to and when maybe you weren't ready.

Finding that out about myself was a great learning experience and suffering that regret, embarrassment and shame for a minor transgression taught me I didn't like feeling that way. I actually credit that first yucky kiss with keeping me out of a lot of trouble in subsequent years because it made me realize the importance of toughening up so I could stand up to the sometimes bad influence of my friends. I still had fun, just not as many regrets as my friends who couldn't say no to a double dog dare.