((((Time0))))

Of course you are not trash. Only *you* think that, otherwise nobody would even be responding to you. You have a life and a beating heart and a wide open future before you. Take it minute by minute, hon.

Do you have a Mobile Crisis Intervention Service in your area? You could call the hospital to find out. Where I live, it consists of 2 nurses and a plainclothes policeman trained in mental health issues. They will talk with you on the phone to help you make it through this one day, and then you can call again the next...and the next. But if you feel you need more then a voice on the phone, they can come to your home right then (or meet you in a park, a coffee shop, wherever you feel comfortable). They come in a regular car and dressed in regular clothes. And they won't be dragging you off to the hospital. They will try to help you come up with at least short-term solutions. It is an excellent service, and here they are available until 1 AM.

Another option is to call Victim Services at the Police Department. You don't have to be a victim of domestic abuse to use this service. They have HUGE books full of all types of local information to help with any situation. They may have someone listed who is willing to do regular counselling in your own home, or maybe even someone willing to spend the night to make sure you are safe.

The pit is a dreadful place to be in. I know you want to cross that spiderweb-thin line, but don't do it, okay? I also know that you're not processing rationally right now (I've been there, hon), so all these messages probably don't mean squat to you because you are in the pit. But just try to reach out to that phone. Even a Suicide Prevention Line could tell you if they have a Mobile Service for your area. No harm will come from it, but great harm can come from not doing anything.

God bless,
Sandy