today is tough. I went to a job fair and ended up leaving, thinking "yeah as if I'm going to be able to perform". all I can think of is wearing that stupid mask all day, that masks that keeps people from the inside where I'm ardently fighting myself, picking my clockwork apart and being critical of every passing moment. I think about my time management skills. how difficult is to get out of the bed. how I can't apologize every. damn. day. for being late. I'm terrified I'm letting my family down, I feel like **** because all of my friends are sophomores in college and on their way to relative happyville (or, comfortable living/careerville). my town is being gentrified, I'm sick with a mono-like virus. I want to work for myself, as I am talented and could run a great business, but my brain is unable to put two things together in a coherent fashion. so planning, completing things. it's all out the window. I'm making an album cover for my god brother and it's taken me a month of diligently working--and it doesn't even look good. I know I can do better than this. be better than what I am. I know I need meds. I just. wish my mom or dad would support me. I need help. I can't take care of myself alone at this point

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