Sorry that you're feeling alone. I haven't managed a relationship for over 20 years

Sometimes I'm OK with being alone, sometimes I'm not.........no guessing where I am now

I don't see that I'll ever have another relationship, I hope you find the courage to work on your anxieties, cos I can say from bitter experience that a lifetime of being alone is far, far worse than anything anxiety can throw at you. You sound like a kind, caring and sensitive guy and I'm sure there is someone out there for you if only you can get out there in the first place.