Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyWhite
Since dealing with child abuse memories, emotional deregulation, abandonment issues, etc. due to C-PTSD, people have been telling me to distract myself positively with activities and hobbies I enjoy. But I can't.
I'm an artist by profession (graphic design) and I have multiple creative hobbies. I'm also learning to play piano and I love to write. But I can't do any of these things. I know creativity is very healing but I'm creatively paralyzed. I'm almost crying right now thinking about it. 
Why can't I do these things that I love and give my life some meaning? I hate wandering around the house all day just "thinking" about doing these things and wasting my day on the computer. I've tried forcing myself, but end up walking away from whatever I'm doing.
Has anyone had this problem? Any advise? |
Skywhite, the things you love are not a distraction and your memories of childhood abuse deserve more than distraction.
I'm typing with my thumbs so this may seem blunt and curt. I'm not being rude intentionally or orderi.g you, m'kay?
First, don't stare at your memories, lest you turn to stone. Be like perseus, battoling medias by watching her in the reflection of his shield. Peter Levine uses that analogy. Your body is your shield.
Then, my advice to an artist is to research rituals of mourning. Think.about m. Commit to allowing yourself to mourn. What is an alter to the dead as Mexicans make but remembrance combined with art? It is very evocative to collect a dead loved ones favorite toiletries and foods with photos, so be careful, but consider an alter to "the summer I was nine" or sit Shiva or have a mass said or whatever appeals to you. Just keep feeling your body. If you begin to dissociate or feel despair, slow way down.
Yoga is great. It is.a distraction from staring into the abyss but not a dissociation from.reality. i am pretty sure that if you begin a yoga practice visual art will come back to you. Remember, trauma is a mind body split and yoga is a mind body yoke. If today visual art feels like mind running away from body, yoga can link you up again.
I hope that helps.