Quote:
Originally Posted by zpe263
Hey. My boyfriend has lied to me twice in a year and half. I caught him both times. The first time was texting a girl (nothing sexual). Second it was about money. It's not that I snooped on him, he actually led me to the lies. Anyway, today he told me that I use him for money. This man has talked about marrying me. About having kids with me and spending the rest of his life with me. But then he basically called me a gold digger and he doesn't even have the much money. I don't have a job right now so he helps me and I try to help him in any other way I can. I take care of him, clean for him, cook for him and give back rubs. I try to show him how much I appreciate what he does. But then he says that to me. I just don't know what to do. I don't like lies and I don't like being hurt. He wants to try to make it work and apologized but I don't know if I can do this anymore. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. Please any suggestions? He doesn't understand my bipolar either. And says it's not real so that makes things harder on me to. I'm trying to get him to understand but it's not working...
|
It seems you're far too dependent on your bf, which gives him the opportunity to say hurtful things when he's angry. Kinda passive aggressive, but it's efficient as it has upset you to the point you're reconsidering marriage.
My suggestion is, if it's possible, to find employment of some kind. Even part time, so that you have a bit of independence from him...that will give him less leverage to use his monetary support of you as a weapon. BTW, it's an easy weapon to wield when one partner isn't working.
Of course, counselling would be advisable, but I think you two could sit down and have a conversation about expectations in the relationship NOW and in the future---this is because, if he is paying the bills, maybe he doesn't understand that your cooking, cleaning and backrubs are your way of participating in the relationship. If there is more you can do (in his opinion) then he needs to voice it...and not with slams about his support of you.
Of course, if he refuses to verbalize then counseling, even if only for you, is advisable, as well as (if you're living with him) possibly finding other digs. When one partner holds money over another partners head, it IS a form of bullying...and if he doesn't see it, refuses to see it...you may be in for more trouble down the road than just being called a 'gold digger'.
Take care
