He doesn't stalk me all day. He DID follow me across the street when I was deliberately trying to avoid the guy, to kindly point out I wasn't wearing a bra under my shirt. After a short awkward interchange, he left. And there was one other time when we ran into each other and he tried to block my way. I tried to get the ^%$# out of there, Finally, he gave up, cursed me and left.

This is a man who took me out for pizza and then started talking about sex all through the meal, even though I tried to change the subject. He took me out for coffee and the same thing happened. He finally told me he was sexually attracted to me and that was why he had taken me out. I don't know what happened after that but I left very quickly. I quit going to Christian meditation for over a year after that, just to avoid him. I'm doing that now.

This was the first time we had been out. I barely knew this man.
After he cursed me, he found out about my pain from a parishioner, his tune changed. He became nice. He started to say that he had respect for women and that God wanted me to go out with men. A small part of me was fooled by this transformation, but a larger part was very suspicious. I was about to dismiss my street smarts when Father Lindsay confimed the matter for me. I have been AVOIDING the church ever since, the church where I have practically lived for several months...all to avoid running into Richard. I don't want to see him. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want him near me.

You see, silver, what would offend most women would frighten me. I have osteoporosis and I am quite unable to defend myself. I have to assume the worst where Richard or any man is concerned, because once they got me out of my wheelchair, I would be completely immobile, unable to reach a phone if an attacker so chose. I could die of dehydration if the attack was timed just right. An attacker could snap my legs like toothpicks without even breaking a sweat. Or torture me for hours by rubbing my feet.

Father Lindsay said this guy had deep problems...that's all it takes to fill me with terror.

I will probably never be able to enjoy a relationship with a man because my problems run just as deep. Mention sex, and I can't get out of the room fast enough. And the funny part is: I wasn't even assaulted!

I will be hiding from that church for the rest of my life. In fact, I will be spending the majority of my life locked up in my apartment just to be safe.

Doug would just shrug and say: if that's your choice...Well no one CHOOSES this kind of fear.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.