I have my closure. We are officially moving on from each other and letting go. There was a momentary hope that he regretted, and maybe wanted me back (though I'd say no), but I see it all now. I was too emotionally dependent and my self-esteem rested on how much he would do for me and change for me, and I see that my expectations were ones he simply could not meet, and he felt inadequate and incapable of being who I wanted him to be. Furthermore, we both knew from the moment going into this that we weren't right for each other, but we both hoped we could ignore all the problems and work it all out, that things would eventually change.

Since he was my first, and I did fall quite hard for the sweet words and the love he gave me, I will never ever forget him. Maybe I will find another man who is much better for me, maybe I'll end up alone, but he made a huge impact on me emotionally, and gave me the most up and down experience of my entire life so far - even though I felt the most incredible hurt and sadness I've ever felt, I also felt the happiest and as if I was dreaming at many other times. For him, he has experienced all those things before with other girls, so I probably was not special to him, but that's just how things are.

It feels like I did 4 years ago, when I was crying over the past and getting older and the future. Now I am crying over the sweet memories and how we'll never be together again. But it's okay. I'm letting go once and for all.