I've been thinking about this discussion and it has dawned on me that maybe, for me, this wasn't really about the prospect of losing my T one day - though that is an issue and it's been really interesting discussing it.

Actually I think this is a shift within me, in that I've opened my heart and allowed myself to acknowledge the following things: that my T is an important person to me who won't be around forever; that when he dies my grief will be valid; that I can allow myself to love and to lose. I think this is me acknowledging the validity and the necessity of my therapy, actually.