Welcome to Psych Central. You have a good start on some good advice.

What a great first step of having the inner stregnth to step up and speak about this. I have been sexually abused. (rape and CSA, child sexual abuse) The things you describe sound quite familiar to me. I started T (therapy) 2 years ago with a therapist who specializes in trauma's. It has helped tremendously, though I still struggle somewhat.

Some of the feelings you describe is the feelings trying to surface. You can stuff them back in and deal with them later at the risk of depression, anxiety, mutiple personalities, and numerous other things.
Your Quote:
i have now started to have the same feeling of childhood. the effects seem to be coming back...i feel like going to some,lying down, and leaving my body there. around and letting people do stuff to me.
i do not want to but something in me wants to go to that same feeling.

I belong to a site for survivors of rape and sexual abuse. It may help you. it is called: Rape & Sexual Abuse Survivor Message Board, Support Forums & Chat Room I hope you find the the answers you are looking for.