my stepsister I haven't spoken to since I left my dads house at 17 found me on facebook and contacted me. said all kinds of stuff about my dad etc. brought up memories about my stepmother and the pain is all back. I cant get the thoughts and pain out of my head. I miss him so much. im so in shock and scared and angry about it all.

I have thoughts in my head. a blade on my arm and then red. people ive told want me to call my dr. neither my dr or t are in office today. besides I have been flying so high lately and now I am so down and freaking out and anxious! I hate this. im not suicidal. I want peace. I want calm. I was to not think this but it wont go away. and ive commited to SO much lately that I have very few days I don't have something to do this entire month.

im scared my dr would try to make me go somewhere and I simply canot do that. people are counting on me.