Your mother knows exactly how she acts. She remembers and knows about the violence she put you through but seeing that she refuse treatment, she probably believes there is nothing wrong with how she is acting. I think you should cut off ties with her. She damaged you. You probably have low self-esteem (like she made you feel worthless from her verbal abuse). You've became very protective of your children and grandchildren because you do not want them to experience the hurt that your mother out you through. You don't have enough confidence to act on protecting yourself.

I understand how you feel 100%. I may only be 22 but my dad has Bipolar I and unlike you, I have hatred in my heart. He knows the evil things he does but the anger overflows and he doesn't get treatment either nor does he ever apologize. Such a nasty person.

You're so kind to not push her away but I think that would be the best thing to do. Having to deal with her is only holding you back from your own happiness. You need to be free. Let her be her. She'll have to pay for her wrongdoing. But like I said, she knows and remembers everything but during her angry times she is completely heartless and uncaring. On the good days, she probably just pushes it aside like "oh I didn't do that" even though she knows she behaves like she does.

I hope I helped in some way. Please let me know. I really feel for you.