Hello Werewoman,

Your mother's behavior sounds very narcissistic to me as well. I have BPD myself, and I have always been my worst critic. I am hypersensitive. Sometimes, I overreact to things, but I always go back to critique myself.

I have 2 daughters myself, whom I try my hardest to support and encourage them to be healthy girls. My mother has a strong streak of narcissism as well, so my family history is pretty tough to use as a teaching resource. More like: what NOT to do with my girls.

My point is that I strongly disagree with your mom having BPD. Her behavior sounds much more like narcissism to me. For example, my mom often guilts people into doing what she wants. If one stands up for oneself with her, she instantly attacks and says all kinds of hurtful things to get the person to give in and do what she wants. There are never any apologies. Never any excuses or admitting to be wrong. Only accusations, arguments, cold shoulder, etc. In her mind, she's never done anything wrong. Everyone else is evil, stupid, wrong, or sick. My mom has never apologized for things that she has done....and she never will. I know that.

To protect myself, I have stepped back completely from my family. That is what I needed to do for me. I don't like it. It makes me sad, especially when others talk about their family events. But, I've learned over the years that I am a lot healthier without getting involved in their lives. My girls don't have the large family experiences that I had as a child (which is sad, yes), BUT, the atmosphere is healthy now. That is the important part to me. Healthy and emotionally safe events are certainly worth the size ~ we could say that it's more intimate. And that's nice.

I hope that this helps you in some way. As you can see, my BPD is almost completely taken out upon myself. I don't want to hurt others the ways that I've been hurt. Those are huge parts of "me".

Best wishes to you and your family!