Thank you so much, Mandy; that was an incredibly sweet reply. Hehe, you almost had me tearing up there for a moment. ^.^

I guess it's complicated because while she WAS abusing me I absolutely loved her. That's what made the abuse so effective, really. The reason I feel like I'd feel "safer" hating her again (the hate was very short-lived and only happened after I'd ended our friendship) is because I'm so afaid of the power she has--STILL has, crazy as that seems--over me. I'm scared to be drawn back into another cycle of "love me or I'll hate you". And yet still, something in me feels drawn to her every time I see her. I don't know if it's habit or honest affection or what, but it's still there.

:| Oy vey. Well, I will keep you updated, and thank you so much for the cheers (and the hugs, Fuzzybear!!)!! We dreamers need to stick together, so if you ever need me, just PM me. *hugs*