Not sure what you mean by that last part... Trying to re-read what I wrote, and read what you write, but my little brain is not comprehending at the moment. T a figure in what way?

Also, yes, was going to look for a new t anyway, but won't be able to do that till after I move. Being down here is just really difficult to begin with, and now my wife has already moved to help settle in our once - again state. It's very lonely down here, and t was a huge support. I'm not good with large changes, or with loss. I know it all goes back a long time, but I stuck at fixing things. No sense of self unless others are around... stuff I definitely need to still work on, but stuff none the less. I know I'm taking it harder than I should. I know I should be able to shrug it off and get on with life, but I can't... I know it will be ok in the long run, but it hurts like hell in the moment. Abandonment sucks, and imagined abandonment sucks worse because there is no basis for it. I should be able to change my thinking around it, but I just can't right now...
I suck...i take too much and ask for too much and never make a big enough effort to change. I suck the life and energy out if everyone and everything around me...