You're NOT disgusting. I can tell from your post you are a thoughtful person and intelligent. You're right in that life is cruel. I have nothing else to say but I hope you feel better.
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Medications:
Venlafaxine (Effexor) 75mg daily
Divalproex (Valproic Acid) 600mg daily
Seroquel (Quetiapine) 100mg daily
ZMAN