Quote:
Originally Posted by HazelGirl
Yes, I know that's why we "pay" them. But does it ever bother you that therapy is so focused on the client? Like it feels selfish to think and talk about yourself so much? Or that you would like to feel more "equal" to your T and wish you knew more about what they were thinking and feeling?
I know this has to be the case with "blank slate" therapies, but I am finding some of the same feelings when it comes to my own therapy, and my T is totally not blank slate style. She shares a lot about herself and her life, but it's still all focused on me. And it bothers me somewhat because I feel selfish for it, and feel like I "should" be focusing more on her, even though she won't let me. She says I have a habit of "care-taking" and overly focusing on those who are in my life and making sure they're happy and fulfilled while ignoring myself. So maybe that's why I feel this way.
Anyone relate?
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Yes, and it seems like T and I discuss this every other session.
I tell him I feel uncomfortable all of the time with his focusing on me. I think it might be mostly related to sense of self/psychological boundaries, while having nothing to do with blank slate stuff....
The therapists job is to not let you "become" what they need. Blocking the enmeshment helps us firm permeable psychological boundaries. (I also wrote about this on Can't Explain's thread.)
Being enmeshed, like how some of us were with a parent who used her children to meet her needs, feels comfortable. Someone having no needs from us feels foreign.
And it feels self-centered to me as well. But I think it's even more self-centered to focus on the needs of another; behind that is usually fear of abandonment, which relates back to us anyway.
Anyway, thinking of it in terms of these concepts does not decrease the discomfort! Not yet, anyway.