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Old Mar 31, 2007, 10:44 PM
breemarie breemarie is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2006
Posts: 69
about my depression. Everyone is sick of me. I'm sick of me. I wish I was not here, it would be the best thing for me and everyone else. My therapist said that I am getting something out of being depressed because I don't want to change anything or get better. That is because I don't have hope. I don't think things can get better for me therefore I have given up trying. I don't like being depressed or negative it has ruined my life. I am not acting this way on purpose to get attention or to get out of doing things. I hope everytime I take a new medication that my thinking will change, I'll look at life differently and want to live and experience things. It never happens. No one would want to be me and feel what I feel. I feel as if people are judging me and speculating about me and they have no clue what I deal with. I sometimes wish I could just let others feel the way I do, just for a day, then maybe they wouldn't be so quick to say the things they do. My bf is sick of me not working. I feel tremendous guilt about it but that is not helping us pay bills. He keeps getting on me and making me feel like crap. Which I am. I feel like the lowest form of scum right now. He just said that this was killing him. I feel like I want to take all of my pills and be done with it so that he can live his life and I can have peace. I am not going to do that but that is what I would like to do. This is not a suicide post, I am not planning anything. But when he talks like that and when others say the things they do and give me the looks like, "you need to just get your act together", it makes me want to die. If I ever get out of this dark place that I'm in it will be a miracle. I don't know if I will ever be the same though. I will not look at people the same either. I feel very alone and misunderstood right now.