Even though the goal is to take care of ourselves for ourselves, we still sometimes need to find external motivation.

If your grandma is a motivator for you, she still can be even if she's not physically there. Do the things you need to do for her, to prove to yourself and her that she is important to you. Don't worry about doing everything "right". Just set a goal and try to complete it. When that's complete, repeat. The goals can be as simple as taking a shower or eating a healthy meal.

I use multiple things for my motivation; mostly my dogs and my T and my Pdoc. My 8 yr old dog has atypical cushings, hypothyroidism, MRSA, and severe allergies if I don't take care of her, who will? And my T and Pdoc are motivators because I feel like if I don't try then I'm wasting their time and effort.

I hope your grandma gets better. I also hope that you hang in there.