This is really up and down. I've had moments of extreme downs, missing the memories and comfort and the feeling of being loved and special so much. Then moments of extreme ups, realising how much I really was worth to him, because he tried so hard for so long to keep me even though it was a losing battle from the start. Even at the end, it wasn't because he lost feelings, but because he was sensible and saw the future of more pain. I'm seriously having trouble moving on for good, but I also feel a sense of relief because I knew it wouldn't work from the very beginning but I got too emotionally vulnerable and involved - everywhere I turned there was so much pain, whether I ended now or later, I knew I was going to suffer.

I've taken a slight hit to the self-esteem, but logically I can see that I was actually too good for him. We were too different from the beginning, we would have been so unhappy together. However I am being obsessive over comparing against the exes which is irrational and doing more damage to myself. Once I forget about him, I look forward to not having to ever feel anxious over a guy again, for a while at least. I want something secure and loving, and something that actually could work long term. I will also be more wary of the many red flags that popped up very early on so I can avoid having to go through this crap again.