Sorry for the pain you are going through right now, at least you let your emotions out in a safe place with your therapist, and that is good, dont bottle it up. Emeshment does not have to be a bad thing, as long as you can seperate it and not let it be a co dependendant thing, if I am making any sense here, my t was explaining that to me, she made sense , but I cant remember how she put it.
Its how we lose ourselves in someone elses person, that we no longer feel ourselves, and it becomes all about them, and then it becomes unhealthy for both people. I know you love your grandma. You need to care for yourself also emotionally and physically, so you can continue being there for her in a healthy way melissa.
As you know I am going through a very rough situation, the only thing is I am not emotionally vested, but all the feelings of anxiety and fear, and the unknown of when my husbands mother will pass is raw, I live in anxiety constantly.
I bottle up my feelings, my h as well. Theres this giant elephant in the room in this house, its like something is going to explode any minute.

I hope you keep posting to vent its good for you, to get all those emotions out, sending you hugs mellissa.