HazelGirl: I have no idea how to find those things outside of taking care of grandma. That's what T and I are going to start working on.

Wysteria: I do love and care about her. I I just need to find my center and have her be part of it not all of it. And I will definitely grieve hard but that's my worst fear. I mean if I can't handle her being away and alive how in the world am I going to handle the permanency of her dying when that time comes. You are definitely right about not having any regrets...I'm doing my absolute best for her.

Sweepy: I wish you the best in your situation. Emotionally vested or not caregiving is stressful and difficult but can also be very rewarding. Unfortunately my anxiety flipped to depression about a week and a half ago. Take care of yourself too. I am trying to get back on track with taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I will be prepping food for the week so it is quick healthy grab and go food. Rice, quinoa, and lentils precooked, and some steamed vegetables precooked. That way all I gotta do it heat it up, eat and run. And it's healthy. Get my exercise bike together and start exercising again.

Might be going out of town over night tonight only 2 hours away but enough to clear my head and regroup. We'll see.

Thanks for the support everyone.