Quote:
Originally Posted by Chameleon33
I'm so depressed, for so many reasons and the fact that I'm depressed makes me even more depressed. I can't to things that I want to do because I'm too depressed to be able to do it. I'm so depressed that I don't know who I am. Nothing makes me happy, nothing give me hope. I can feel it physically, it feels heavy and empty, it's heavy to breathe and it makes me feel tired, and where my heart should be (it is there but it feels like it's not) it's cold like if it's an empty cold space. And I can't feel my heart beating and I have a feeling it's beating very slow, and that's what makes me so tired. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up happy, and sometimes that kind of happens, I wake up and feel really okay. But I can't go to sleep, I think about a lot and get panic and cry. I'm not always depressed, but I have a lot of reasons to be and a very few reasons not to be. And I guess that if someone reads this, you'll probably think that therapy is a good idea, but for several reasons it's not a good idea for me. I guess I just wanted to write about this, to try to distract myself a bit. And maybe someone else here have ever felt the same way, so depressed that you can feel it physically. I'd really don't mind some support from someone. And I hope that if someone reads this you're feeling better than me, I really don't want anyone to feel this bad.
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Okay Chameleon... now look... (this is where I lecture you) the bottom line here is that only you can pull yourself out of this. Others can help. But you have to start the ball rolling, so to speak. I read another post a few minutes ago where the writer said he really believes that sometimes complete surrender is the best option. And, I would agree with this up to a point. But sooner or later, in this world, you have to get back up & move along.
I know you don't want to do therapy. And that's fine. I haven't found it useful either. And right now, perhaps where your head is at, complete surrender isn't a bad idea... for a while. You can get right down into that darkness & experience its depth. But, sooner or later, you're going to have to climb back out. Perhaps, after a while, you'll even want to climb back out... hopefully. Unfortunately the longer you stay down there, the harder it will be to climb back out. So I would urge you to think about what you'll use for a ladder.
