Didn't really feel like starting a new thread when I can just add to this one since its essentially the same issue. I'm not even actively suicidal but yet I keep having thoughts of methods and wanting to self harm in some way(settling for smoking cigarettes) but that's not even painful so doesn't effectively distract my brain from the mental crap. Very irritating but I seem to have it under control for the time being...I guess i am just really frustrated about how I feel. Not to mention I've met someone I might want to attempt forming a relationship with and I don't want to scare them away with my craziness, but then not sure i really want that relationship for the right reasons...what if more subconciously I just think having that would distract me and its not about really wanting to see how things go with them.