Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead? -- intermittant conditioning; sometimes it works!

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money? -- same reason the robber barons opened company stores and made you buy from them so you could never get ahead; nice racket if you can get a piece of it

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? -- they don't believe you, they just don't care enough to quibble over it and they figure that's a "gimmee" but they know they know more than you do/are "better" than you are so don't want you to have the upper hand with the paint thing.

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? -- it never dries, otherwise it would; ever tried to clear the top of a ketchup, syrup, or honey bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? -- I see a "wet paint" opportunity here; how do you know they do?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? -- Alopecia Areata

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? -- They don't make revolver-proof faces?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? -- or underwear; why wear any clothes? Tradition!

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? -- it's an onomatopoeic word

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? -- evolution is a "change" in some, not an either/or situation. Everything "evolved" from random chemicals too but we still have carbon.

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? -- Same reason the sky is blue :-)

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? -- No, you can always buy a mattress, whether you need one or not :-) However, not all outlets selling mattresses have sales at all times.

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? -- I think it's mostly men and children who do this and they're hoping the woman/wife/mother has gone to the grocery store since the last time they looked.

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? -- What other, better, more exciting activities do you have in mind?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? -- They're manufactured that way so you have to appeal to the produce guy and he then has the opportunity to sell you more produce.

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? -- The same way other bugs you get with a fly swatter miraculously "disappear". I love this: http://www.amazingflygun.com/

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? -- Misery loves company.

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat. -- So we can complain about the cold, silly

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? -- Because they're funnier visually; "Meet the Fockers"

The statistics on sanity says that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness or depression. NOW, Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's YOU. -- A couple things wrong with this argument; if I'm not okay, why would I want friends who were and, of course at least one of my friends is mentally ill, I'm here aren't I?