Welcome to PC and the Bipolar forum.
I'd like to add that if you haven't had a physical, including bloodwork, including for thyroid function, to do so, sometimes it can be something physically/internally wrong that is causing or fueling psychological/mental problems.
Seeing a psychologist or even pdoc, is not something to feel ashamed about, sure it can feel scarey, but can help so much, and reduce future problems.
When I started treatment, I first balked at it and even resented it, but I gave in and today 7 yrs later I am so happy and have no regrets.
Please seek professional help, while internet info and books can offer lots of info, it can tempt people to self-diagnose which leads to unecessary stress, talking with a mental health professional, will benefit you so much more, and save you time by getting to the point(s) of the real problem.
I wish you lots of luck with this venture.
Feel free to come and hang out at PC, there are many supportive and fun people here, I hope you enjoyed coming here.
Take care,
DE