I've been feeling pretty good. Not really expansive or elated, but better than usual. I still have a touch of the feeling of alienation, but that's normal for me. Anyways, I don't want to sleep. I probably wouldn't sleep much if it wasn't for saphris, but now that it's the weekend I want to skip it and stay up. So I've been staying up pretty late all week, but I don't feel tired. My mind is not racing, and I don't feel really outgoing.

The reason I'm wondering is because I've been hypersexual, and taking some risks to do things just because they feel good. And I know it's dangerous, but I don't care and I'm doing it anyway. So I hope there won't be any negative consequences... I'm definitely not being responsible, and I know better, but I just don't care. I want to give examples so you know what I am talking about, but i feel like that might be inappropriate. I'm not doing so well with being appropriate, lol. I have felt so constrained, so it's nice to let all of that go.

So I don't want to pathologize myself. but if I'm heading into serious danger I should try to stop myself. Does this sound like hypomania? I'm not sure, because my mood isn't that high.

Also, I see my pdoc on Monday, and she will ask me how I am, and I don't know what to tell her. I'm too embarrassed to tell her what I've been doing because she is pretty straight laced, and I'm supposed to be a professional and responsable nurse. I don't want her to increase my meds anyway, so I don't know that there is any point talking to her about this. My therapist is on vacation until the end of July.

My behavior is concerning, but it feels really good. Why can't I just feel good without worrying about consequences or emerging episodes? I feel like I should be pretty protected from hypomania by my meds, since I'm on a lot, but I guess it is still possible. Problem is I really don't want to stop what I've been doing.

Hypomania or regular recklessness? Am I just justifying irresponsible behavior?