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Old Jun 08, 2014, 07:56 AM
AllyIsHopeful AllyIsHopeful is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Dec 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by allme View Post
Do you have much experience with Kratom? How often do you use it?
I have quite a bit of experience. I was using it daily but now it is more like every other or every two days. I sent you a PM on this particular topic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by allme View Post
Don't be hard on yourself like that, if it was as easy as just saying no, we wouldn't be in this place. Maybe give that relative a wide berth while you are trying to quit. The last thing you need is someone enabling it!
I try not to be hard on myself and my partner continuously reminds me "addiction is a disease". I just don't always see it that way and become frustrated that I have such little control. I feel impulsive and gross, like I completely lack self-control. This relative is my grandmother and we are very close...I tell her everything and she is a big support during this depressive time (even though it seems to be lasting forever). I don't have a big support system or many people I can trust with my feelings and am comfortable talking to.

The part that hurts is she knows I have battled addiction with opiates and witnessed me in withdrawal hell for two weeks the first time I stopped. I was clean for 6 months, maybe more. Throughout that time she offered me pain killers left and right. I know she thought she was helping because I have chronic back pain; but each time I told her "You know I stopped those for a reason. I don't want to live a life of addiction anymore". Unfortunately it started again, a few times, and here I am repeating the cycle.

Sorry I took so long to respond. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post, respond, and offer support. I forgot to check this forum for updates.
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<3Ally

  • Clinophobia
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