Juliebean, I know exactly what you mean. I was abused for 15 years in my marriage. I never really thought of it as that, at the time. He did get physical, slapping me, pushing me, but not daily, and not in major rage. Only mild anger. I never thought about it. He was a master manipulater, he could turn all my thoughts around. Always talked down to me. I never thought I was so weak. I see abuse in movies, etc. I didn't relate to it. For me, I woke up when my 10 year old told me about it. I took him and I to counseling, the counselor wound up sending me to someone else, telling me I am abused, telling him he is abusive. Totally stunned me. Now I do know, and I am healed, he is gone. Everyone who knew us, said they knew how bad he treated me, but didn't want to get involved. I wish they had years ago, but thats o.k. I am very happy for you. I hope everything keeps going your way. We are the normal ones, they are the ones with the problems. Thats how they work, we fall into it because we don't think bad like them. We don't second guess them, because we can't imagine being that way to someone.