I was recently with a man for 9 months who was abused as a child. From what I can ascertain, he experienced some physical abuse and some neglect. While he admits he was hurt emotionally and physically, he denies that it had any impact on him.

Although very outgoing and sociable, every relationship in his life seems very shallow and superficial (including those with his twenty-something year old children). He doesn't seem to feel or have any deep attachments. He was married for twenty-some years to an alcoholic and seemed generally OK with it. Now that he is actually going through the divorce he initiated, he seems to feel no remorse at the loss of the relationship/marriage/woman. In fact, he told me he didn't really love her when he married her.

He was very intense in his relationship with me, telling me he loved me and I was amazing and I was his world. Then with each hurt or problem, he seemed to pull away a little more. Our relationship abruptly ended, and I was left confused and devastated. I loved him a great deal and tried to show this to him in many ways.

The best I can figure out, he seemed to dodge/shut off emotion, have a fear of intimacy and being vulnerable, and maybe avoided attaching. Has anyone been through something similar? Does anyone have any thoughts on his perplexing behavior? I am really struggling with the fact that he seemed so into me and then just wanted to wash his hands of me.

I'm looking for something more than "he just wasn't that into you."